So the weather is so BEAUTIFUL!!!! I love it!!! I hope it stays like this this weekend...I love the wonderful warmness of the sun with the breeze...man I don't know what to put on here...I am listening to Rob Pattinson right now from the Twilight soundtrack...man I LOVE his voice it is so sexy...lol...but I think I am done with this post...

Happy Saint Patricks Day!!! Scarlett made are traditional family meal of corned beef and cabbage tonight...it was really good!!! I thought I wouldn't get it this year since I wasn't home but I got it and it was good....
Spring Break here I come!!! 3 MORE DAYS!!! I can’t wait! I am getting so tired lately and just want a long break and I think a week off is just what I need! So we’ve been unpacking a lot of stuff lately and we finally got all the boxes out of the kitchen and most of them emptied the others we went through and put up stuff but what we didn’t know what to do with we put in one big box or two and dragged them out of the way. I can’t believe Karlee is going to be 3 next Friday! I am going to her birthday party this Saturday and I can’t believe it…also I get to see Sammie while I am there because I am going to stay with her!!! I am so excited…although it will only be for a night or two…wish I could spend more time…but that is alright because Hannah and I plan on going down there for Easter weekend!!!
So I have been working on my art journal a lot this week and I am excited for how this one is going to turn out…I have some ideas in mind and can’t wait until I finish it and start my next one…and I know what I am doing with my next one…I have decided to base it off of a song and make every page after a word or line in that song…hopefully it will turn out alright! I am ecstatic about it!!! Maybe that is why I am kind of rushing through this one.
So my brother-in-law, Adam, suggested that I place some of my photos in a competition…I don’t know if I will but I thought about it and I think I might but I’m not sure yet…first I have to find one…I don’t want to enter it into our journalism competition because I don’t want to take away from the actual photographers on our staff so maybe I can find one on the internet that I can email it to…that would be nice if I could find one I might like doing it…but I still don’t know…
So Mid-Terms were last week and I didn’t have any so that is good…but I set up to take my online Mid-Term tomorrow after I’m out of class tomorrow…Since I only have one I can take however much time I need on it so this will be good although I don’t think I will need that much time on it…I should probably be studying right now but I am watching American Idol…just turned it on so I don’t really know how everyone is doing, but it is Grand Ole Opry week so I’m happy for that and all the songs that I like…
I can’t wait for this weekend!!! I keep thinking about it and I can’t wait! I can’t wait to get back home and just chill out for a while…maybe go up to school with my mom one day…Who knows? But I am going to take my Wii so I can get my workouts in for health class…but yeah I get to take my puppy with me!!! Toby is getting so big already…he has gotten a lot bigger since we got him…so I can’t wait to see how big he is going to be…the Vet said that he is probably going to be a medium sized dog about 50 lbs. and that he looks like a beagle and cocker spaniel mix…but I think he looks like a St. Bernard…but I can’t wait he is going to be so much fun to play with when he gets bigger!!! My heart is going to break though when he has to start staying outside...not that he sleeps with me...he actually has stopped whining about being in the kennel at night time!!! I am so excited about that...means more sleeping...lol...

"...Saturday in the park I think it was the fourth of July..."....oh Saturday's! I LOVE it...it is a day to be lazy and not feel guilty about not doing one thing...when there is so much to be done but you just push it off and procrastinate...I think that if the procrastinators actually ever met they would meet on national procrastinating day...Saturday...So I got a puppy!!! His name is Toby Paul...someone dropped him off at miss G's so we took him in and now he is mine!!! I can't wait for next weekend!!! First off my niece is having her birthday party, she is turning 3...I get to go home for spring break!!! and my mom said that Toby could stay in the house when I come so I won't have to leave him for a week!!!...The bad news about that is that I have a doctor's apointment to make sure that I don't have PCOS so I am kinda scared about going to the doctor's...it will be my first gyno visit so kinda scarry...I can't wait for this summer either...I might get to see some friends I haven't seen in about six years...not sure yet if that is going down or not...hope it is...would be awesome to see them again...then my sister is going to have my first nephew!!! so I can't wait for that...plus summer is time off of school...and it also means that it is free time before I delve into my journalism world...

Looking back...

My school got a Journalism minor so I won't have to transfer...YAY...I am excited about it...I can't wait to start on it the only thing is that now I have to pick a major...yuck...but I guess it is better than never...Anyway lately I have been in a reflective mood on my life...Just going over events that have made me who I am and times that I wish I could have back to relive again...To feel young again and just have a childlike abandonment...I mean I like my life right now...It is really good...I have a family who supports me and encourages me to do what I want to do...I have alot of friends that I don't know what I would do without alot of them...I am about to be an aunt for the second time...I mean life right now is just wonderful...I have everything I could want right now...well for this part of my life...but I just want to feel like a little kid again...Most people experience this feeling upon turning 20 so I guess I am good...I may be a little behind considering I have been 20 for 2 months now but I guess late is better than never...but I just want to go back to being young and innocent not knowing everything that I know now...I want to go back to those Saturday mornings and rushing into the living room to watch cartoons before anyone else was awake but my brother and myself...I want to have the assurance back that I was alright that no matter what I did I would still be "Babygirl"...The assurance that I couldn't fail at life...When did life become so complicated? When did all of the self-consciousness kick in? I mean it is like one day I went from being this young carefree girl to trying to find the largest sweater I could to sink into...Yes I have grown out of that...sorta...I still have those days where I put on a big sweater or hoodie and hide away from everyone...but it is not because I am afraid of people noticing the changes in me...it is because I don't feel like being social with everyone...or because I am cold...but I don't really hide in them that much anymore...I have to thank God all the time for sending me Laura...She drew me out of my shell...Yes Savannah and MacKenzie were always loving to me and trying to get me out of my shell...but somehow having someone my age do it made it better...At a time in my life when I was not sure just how to be open to others Laura was right there helping...alot of people don't believe that I could have been less outgoing than I am right now...but it is true...I guess I used to be a hermit...but I guess I can blame it on being homeschooled through a time in my life when I needed to be around people my age...although I wouldn't trade being homeschooled for regular school ever...I loved being homeschooled...but I do think that I would have turned out way different if I had not been homeschooled for the majority of my school years...I remember being outgoing as a young young child...like when I was six or seven all the way to being ten....but then something changed and I went inside of myself...I want to go back to a time when my daddy wasn't so sick...back to a time when he could do anything...I don't want to face the reality that he may not live past this year...I don't want to think that he may not be able to walk me down the aisle or that he may never get to read one of my books or that my children(adopted or biological) won't know their poppy just like I never knew my poppy...I don't want to think about losing my daddy...I have been and always will be a daddy's girl...When I was born daddy named me...I was supposed to be Rachel Emily but ended up being Amber Rachael(he spelled Rachel wrong as my mom likes to say)...When I was born he was disabled(still is) so he stayed at home with me while my mom went to work(before my dad recieved his full disability) and I guess one of the main reasons that I am so spoiled(and softspoken) is because he couldn't stand to hear me cry so he would give me whatever I wanted...I remember going to college with him...sitting in the classes with him...I remember singing "I want to marry daddy" at my kindergarten graduation...I have so many memories that revolve around daddy and I don't want to loose that...but I have to know that it is God's will and that all of his pain will be at an end when he reaches heaven...but it is just sad to think about it...I guess I was in a state of denial but when he came up here to help us move he couldn't do anything...and that when it hit me that I may not have my daddy much longer...It is really hard to think about and I have no idea what life will be like when he is gone...I'm not ready for that yet...