i MUST marry the prince...

Today I was informed by my 3 year old neice that I HAVE to marry the prince because Seth(a little boy at her church) told her that she can marry him. Of course if Seth takes back his offer of marriage then I guess she will be claiming the prince back for herself. But I do LOVE the way she thinks...I will marry the prince, not her prince, but mine. I don't know who it is, and I highly doubt he will be riding in on some white horse(of course if he did I would be okay with that) with his shining armor on and just sweep me off of my feet(although this to I wouldn't object), but I do know that he is out there somewhere just waiting to come into my life like a hurricane and flip my world upside downa nd back again, theoretically speaking. But it just amazes me at how innocent little girls are, and how they know that there is a prince that is going to come and change their lives forever. I want that optimism back in my life, and not just about a prince, I want it back about everything. No.More.Doubt.

1.5MillionTS: "Love Story" - A Taylor Swift Cover (From Romeo's Perspective)

hmmm...*sigh*...Gabe continues to be my favorite...and I always come back to tthis song first...it is my favorite rendition of 'Love Story'

Thank God it's gone...

So a lot has happened since my last post. I went home for Labor Day weekend and then ended up having a gallbladder attack that was so bad it made me cry. Now to realize how bad this is you have to know that I have a high tolerance for pain, I once stapled my thumb and didn't really feel anything. So that is how bad this one was...so we go to the ER and this time they actually find gallstones and so I end up staying home instead of going back to school to meet with a surgeon, well he couldn't get me in that week so I was just going to go back to school, but he said that he didn't think that I would make it to Fall Break without doing damage to myself and he would rather take it out the following week. So I was out of school for two weeks and today is my first day back in and so far it hasn't been very productive considering that my first class was cancled but I still had to get here this early because Skip's 8 o'clock wasn't...Anyway I get worn out really easy now. Just walking from where we parked to the J took alot of effort, I felt to out of shape because I was getting out of breath and had to stop for a drink from the water fountain...I don't like this part of it at all. But it is getting better because the first day I would get worn out just by standing up...because it takes a little extra effort to stand up since my right side is sore. I don't really feel it to much anymore unless I am sitting the wrong way or if I have encountered alot of harsh roads. But I feel a whole lot better since it has been taken out...I don't have the fear everytime I go to bed that I will wake up in the middle of the night with pain that I can do nothing about except wait for the vomiting to begin...pretty sad way to live...and I don't have the pain anymore and I can now go back to eating greasy foods without worry...lol...but another good thing is that when I eat now, I hardly eat anything and then I am full, but two hours later I am hungry...so I'm doing the whole way we are supposed to eat thing and losing weight...but yeah...I just hate being tired all the time...

OTS: "Burnin' Up" - A Jonas Brothers Cover

So while I love the JoBros I think that Gabe does a MUCH better job on this song that little nick...

My new <3...

So I have a new love <3...not that I love the guy...his voice is my new love...although he does have very nice dimples...and nice hair...His name is Gabe Bondoc...He is awesome I have listened to everything he has on his page and can't wait for more to come out...so check him out...maybe I will post one of his videos on the end here...yeah I will...maybe 2 or 3...
Anyway...so I found these chocolate chips at wal*mart...sugar-free!!! I was so stoked over this find...now if only they made a sugarsubstitute that tasted good to make cookies with...cause splenda leaves a nasty taste in the mouth...stupid doctor's rules about no sugar...it really stinks and is hard to do...i'm sure i haven't gone one day without at least a little sugar because you can't take sugar out of everything...but they have started making fudge grahm's(best cookie int he world) sugar free so that is awesome now I can have more than just the wafers...
So I haven't told the most exciting news that I have!!! I forgot that I haven't updated since I started planning this...but for my birthday(I know it is 5.5 months away) I am going to...*insert drumroll here* IRELAND!!! I am going and one of my best friends, Samantha(Sam), is going with me and my sister and her fiance(who will be her husband when we go) are planning on going also...they say they can save the money, but we will see...Who knows, maybe I will find my future husband while I am there because he apparantly isn't in America...or not anywhere near me at the least...
I couldn't figure out how to upload youtube videos onto here so I just added the link
Here is a link to his YouTube account...
http://www.youtube.com/user/gabebondoc
...So this is my favorite song of his...entitled Gentlemen Don't...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mu00p0pHOIk&feature=channel
...and this is the cover of Love Story...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VF4nh7hEeg&feature=channel_page

Time has gone by so quickly this year, summer is almost over. School starts back on Thursday!!! I am so excited I can't wait, I am ready to be back in school...I only have T/Th classes this semester which means that I can request to get out of chapel!!! I can't believe it I thought I would never get out of chapel...I love Jesus, but sometimes chapel is just really boring and I can't concentrate. Anyway, just wanted to update...

So I've joined a photography site...and I entered one of my pictures to be voted on for the next issue of their magazine...JPG magazine...here is the link in case you wanna check it out and vote or see other peoples photo's
http://www.jpgmag.com/photos/1877193 this is the one i entered for the magazine
http://www.jpgmad.com/people/ambermurray this is where you can see all of my photo's

Psalm 22:14-16

I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jowls; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death. For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet.

If all of the raindrops...

were lemondrops and gumdrops...oh what a rain that would be...
Okay so St.Louis was AWESOME!!! Sometimes I wish there were a better word to explain what I am trying to say...maybe one day I'll buy a thesaurus...Anyway so I guess I will start with day one...So Friday morning I arise at 7a.m. and we start to pack things up at the house and eat breakfast and then we(my parents and myself) go up to church to pick up some food to take with us for the cooks to use...and we finally get going around 10...So we get there around 12:30and unload and I go to my room and set up and wait...anyway skip ahead a few hours and skip through the tour and the rules and then we have about an hour and a half to go eat so we are trying to find Arby's but the one we were told to go to was not there it had changed into a financial building...then there was a little fender bender on a side road so JJ needs to back the trailor out of the drive but the cop won't move his car so he has to try and back up with the cop watching his every move...so we get done with all that goodness...anyway Saturday was training day and since I am a leader this year I got to go into the leadership meeting which really was just a time to eat ice cream and evaluate ourselves...then someone pulled the fire alarm...fun...we had to go outside while our ice cream melted...lol...then Sunday finally arrives...the day we get to go out to our mission site and start canvassing...BUT God had other plans...it poured down rain...so we went to Wal*Mart to get supplies that we needed and we were like we might get 4 kids...Monday roles around and we have 41 kids show up...All day I led a team of 6(myself included) out canvassing...and Tuesday we have 133 children show up!!! WE WERE STOKED!!! In all of Global Encounter years they've never had that many kids show up to one site...so we sort of broke a record and we making people at Ferguson excited about their neighborhood...anyway so Tuesday was our free night so we went to the mall since it was raining and we couldn't go to the waterpark...then we went to Red Robins and they sang to Pete for his birthday...then around 2:30a.m. I start having a gall bladder attack I know this because we went in to the hospital and found out that I have gallstones and gastritis...then Wednesday I was half out of it and I would have stayed in bed but I couldn't sleep so I went ahead and went out to our site even though I had missed half the day...then Thursday was parents' night and we had a GREAT day all day...until that afternoon...we had a wreck so half of our people were out and we still had to do the parents' night because we couldn't just not show up...anyway it went awesome...Friday our last day so everyone as sad cause we had to tell all the kids bye and all our friends that we made goodbye...sad day...but Savannah, Jared, and I stayed that night and we went to the Arch and the Zoo on Saturday so that was fun...then we went straight to Cape for Savannah to go to Kenzie's final fitting of her wedding dress so Jayred and I spent that time at the mall...then waited and waited for Vanna to show up...and she finally did with Kenzie and Justin(he came a little bit later) and then we ran into Kenzie's mom, Lori Jones and sister Leah, and I ended up just going home with the Jones' cause I was extremely exhausted cause I had been going for 3 weeks...yeah so a busy week...but now I am home and I had another attack last night so we went to the hospital again cause they said if it happened again to go in...and the doctor here said that he didn't see any stones just the little crystals that are always there...but he said that I was having spasms...that is why I was having pain and vomiting...fun stuff...lol...anyway I am so sleepy so I am ready for bed tonight...

I'm an aunt again!!!

Cole was born on Monday morning around 6:30 and weighed 7lbs 6oz and 19" long. He is so cute!!! I got to hold him for the first time today!!! I had to put on a little gown before I could go in and see him because he is in the NICU. He was breathing to fast after he was born so they had to put him on a ccpap and he was on it for a couple of hours, then that was it, he also had an I.V. in i believe and some other wires, but he got all of that taken off either early this morning or last night. He gets to sleep in my sisters room tonight and will actually be moved into their as soon as the pediatrician has a look at him and gives him the okay and hopefully they will get to go home tomorrow!!!
Anyway just thought I would update about that...

So it's been a while since I have updated with a real update...let's see what have I been up to lately? Well nothing really I have been on the go every day since last Friday but other than that I have been doing nothing. My dad's uncle passed away last Friday so we had to go shopping to get my dad a new suit for the funeral and also for Savannah's wedding...which I think the date is in concrete now for the 5th of December...anyway so the suit we got him on Friday he decided he didn't want so Saturday we went to St.Louis to get a different suit...then of course church Sunday...then we headed to St.Lousi or rather St.Peters on Monday for the viewing then Tuesday was the funeral and afterward we went to my dad's cousins house for the usual after funeral get together lunch...so since we didn't grow up in St.Louis we don't really know everyone that well so Skip and I just kind of sat there making jokes...then we went to visit my dad's cousin from the other side...then we went to see my uncle because he didn't show up for the funeral and wasn't answering his phone...which was fun cause we got to see our cousin and her two kids who are SO adorable!!! Then we had church Wednesday and today we had food pantry and I am so tired from all of the constant going...tomorrow is clean house day so no rest tomorrow...maybe Saturday...Oh yeah and my mom cut my hair Saturday night...about 6 inches off it is a little past my collar bone like to the top of my shoulder blades...it's not that different...and VBS is next week...I am in crafts again but thankfully not in charge again cause I just found out Sunday what I am doing...I was supposed to be a fill-in, which I still will be if they need me somewhere...but that is all for now I am too tired to write more right now maybe another day...

One thing my parents have taught us kids that I love and respect is praying befor taking a trip. Before we go anywhere far away which usually means more than two hours, we pray. It is something that us kids do also. When we go home during a break we always pray or if we go to Jess', we pray. I never really thought about it that much until the other day when we were leaving for fort leonard wood. Just wanted to share that, that's all I have for today.

So summer is pretty easy going so far. It has been raining a lot so it is a little bit muddy. Okay a lot muddy and Toby really needs a bath, he is pretty much caked in mud, but it keeps raining and I don’t want to wash him and then send him out into the mud again. Anyway so we finally got satellite internet. The guy was never in when we went in to get it until the other day. We also switched to Dish network instead of DirecTV so now I have DVR in my bedroom and I love it!!! I might get to see a friend that I haven’t seen in 6 years sometime this week or next week I can’t wait I hope we get to see each other. I was hoping Vanna was going to be here also but she can’t come this week because Jared has to work and both of them were going to come down. Anyway nothing has really been happening life here is slow and relaxing…it could be boring depending on who you are, but I am a home body so I don’t mind most of the time. It can get boring, but that is what the internet and T.V. and BOOKS are for. I brought a lot of books with me, but I am finding it hard to get into them, maybe one day this week I will sit down and get into one. I have three books left in my ten book series that I am reading. Anyway that is all that I am going to say for now, maybe I will put in my newest poems.This one is called Cornered. Both were written on the fifth of May

Walls all around
I know He has accepted me
As I am
Broken completely
My fall from grace
Ashamed to seek Him
He found me here
Cornered by sin and shame

He whispered to me
I couldn’t hear
My heart was full
Filled with nothing yet everything
His words to me
Spoken sweetly
Tears stream from my eyes
I know He is right

Like a baby cries am I
I open my scars
He covers them with His wounded hands
Healing from His pierced side
Life returns to my soul
I rejoice in His light
Time stands still
As we embrace

This one is called Dancing.

Just like David did
I am dancing before my King
Doing as He has bid
His beauty deserves worshipping
Jesus, the Master of all
The one I long to love
Hostess of my private ball
Makes me white as a dove
My reason for this dance
He releases my pain
Living totally entranced
Dancing in the rain

Love is blind...

A famous statement…one that I find to be false. I think that love is more critical. When you love someone you notice their flaws more. Things they do may get on your nerves, but you love them and wouldn’t trade them for the world. I think of parents when I think about this. Parents know their children are not the best and they love them unconditionally. I think of my siblings and friends also I love them so much, but I know that they have flaws and since I know them their flaws are more known to me than to others who don’t know them as well. Anyway I was thinking about this the other day and thought I would type about it.
So summer is going alright so far. I have decided to go to St.Lousi this July for the Mission trip instead of going to Rogers for my nephews birth...big decision, but I felt that this is what I need to do. So hopefully I am going to go get highspeed internet tomorrow or saturday....can't wait this dial up is killing me...I can't really do anything...I am suprised that this site even opened up...all I can say is God bless the person who thought of Satellite internet for those of us out in the boondocks!!!...and that's all for now...

"Poetry is what gets lost in translation" -Robert Frost

Life has been pretty good lately. I have been pretty busy with school work since finals are this week. I get to go home for the summer on Friday!!! I am so excited!!! I am getting tired of this place and school...part of me just wants to leave and never come back...but I'm sure a couple weeks at home will cure that longing...So I thought I would put a couple of my poems on today and maybe a couple of pics...





LOVELINESS(10-27-06)
Delicate
A young heart breaks
Tender
With every tear and ache
Broken
Without a prayer
Healing
Breathes in the air
Concern
Always be true
Forgiveness
From who
Faith
Letting go
Courage
Just to know
Honesty
Within a heart
Beauty
From the start
Treasure
In every day
Dancing
Cares go away

BECAUSE OF HIM(12-25-07)
On a winter’s night
Restless eyes awake
Every day a fight
She almost breaks
When she understands
The Father’s here
He’s holding her hands
There’s no need for fear
He always will stand
Wiping her tears
With His loving hands
She finds His cheer
She wants to die
She’s bound to live
She’s going goodbye
Her tears maker her live
She tastes the bitterness
Alive and free
Because of His caress
She can be

ALL OF WHO I AM(11-16-08)
My heart is beating
I feel nervous
I feel your stare
Look up
No one there
Someone is watching
Someone sees my shame
I try to brush it off
I try not to notice
I hear your scoff
What am I doing
Does anyone see
No one can care
No one can tell
All alone, no one to share with
My burden lingers
I am trapped in blame
I am trapped in guilt
You say you’ll forgive
You say you can heal
I want to be forgiven
To not be ashamed
To not be afraid
Of all of me
No one sees
You reach out
I push away
I push away
Further to not hear
All the words you say
I know you’re true
I’ve been here before
I’ve been in this place
All I want to do
Is see your face
Take me
All of me
All of who I am
Me in YOU
YOU I AM

Seems like nothing's black and white anymore...shades of grey

More photography Time after Time

Spider Web

Little girl from St.Louis

Ivy

Beautiful Kristina

More of the hotel in Monte Ne

Nashville

Outside of the parking garage in Nashville

and again Nashville

I was working on my art journal today dor about an hour and decided to try something new so hopefully it will work...I can't wait until I complete this one because I want to work on my next one that I mostly have planned out...at least planned out in my head...So I thought I might upload some photos...I will insert them here...

This is my friend Katie...this was last fall in Nashville at our Journalism conference

This was also in Nashville...thought he looked interesting

These are my friends left to right David...Niki...Kerry...Niki and Kerry spilt some water and they were cleaning it up and David was just whistling(sp?)

This is Koti...skateboarding in St.Louis...

This is an old abandoned hotel that people have graffited up in Monte Ne...I personally think that graffiti is the best form of art...

That's all for now

Complaints

O my goodness what a week this past one has been...first I get a call on Monday saying that my dad is in the hospital because his kidneys are failing and so I am freaking out about that so we decide we want to go home on Tuesday so my brother goes and talks to his professor about letting him and my sister take their test when they get back and he tells them they can't so then we have to stay here so that sucks...well we decide to go back anyway on Wednesday after they have taken their test so my brother and I get packed and ready to go and then my sister calls and is like well I want to ride with you guys...so we have to go 20 minutes out of the way to pick her up....we are about to get on the interstate when my brother decides that he wants to make sure his car is worthy of the trip before actually going and so Savannah and I decide that we are going to just go in her car...well by this time we have skipped chapel and everything and we get a text from our mom saying that my dad gets to go home...long story short we go ahead and go and Skip comes on Friday...anyway yeah....So I had a doctor's appointment on Friday for my test results and I most definitely have PCOS so now I have to get all of that worked out and so he sent me for an ultasound just to make sure that I don't have a tumor that is making it look like I have it...and so I have to guzzle down 60 ounces of water in about an hour....O my goodness I wanted to kill whoever told me to take that much because apparantly that was more than what I was actually supposed to drink...but whatever I don't think they found any spots or if they did they didn't tell me...anyway so Sunday rolls around and we head back to school and we get stuck in a town for about 5 hours...let me just say that I am tired of walmart for a while...we walked around and explored everything there...yeah...so that is a sucky beginning to this week...hopefully it gets better...and yes I haven't had a shower today so I feel horrible and want to just crawl under a rock and hide but alas I had class today and couldn't just skip..oh and I haven't even been home yet not since Wednesday when we left because we ended up just staying with Skip's girlfriend last night because we didn't get back until about 12:30....man this a a complaining log I better stop before I depress myself...lol I'll end on a cheerful note...I did laugh at our situation...

So the weather is so BEAUTIFUL!!!! I love it!!! I hope it stays like this this weekend...I love the wonderful warmness of the sun with the breeze...man I don't know what to put on here...I am listening to Rob Pattinson right now from the Twilight soundtrack...man I LOVE his voice it is so sexy...lol...but I think I am done with this post...

Happy Saint Patricks Day!!! Scarlett made are traditional family meal of corned beef and cabbage tonight...it was really good!!! I thought I wouldn't get it this year since I wasn't home but I got it and it was good....
Spring Break here I come!!! 3 MORE DAYS!!! I can’t wait! I am getting so tired lately and just want a long break and I think a week off is just what I need! So we’ve been unpacking a lot of stuff lately and we finally got all the boxes out of the kitchen and most of them emptied the others we went through and put up stuff but what we didn’t know what to do with we put in one big box or two and dragged them out of the way. I can’t believe Karlee is going to be 3 next Friday! I am going to her birthday party this Saturday and I can’t believe it…also I get to see Sammie while I am there because I am going to stay with her!!! I am so excited…although it will only be for a night or two…wish I could spend more time…but that is alright because Hannah and I plan on going down there for Easter weekend!!!
So I have been working on my art journal a lot this week and I am excited for how this one is going to turn out…I have some ideas in mind and can’t wait until I finish it and start my next one…and I know what I am doing with my next one…I have decided to base it off of a song and make every page after a word or line in that song…hopefully it will turn out alright! I am ecstatic about it!!! Maybe that is why I am kind of rushing through this one.
So my brother-in-law, Adam, suggested that I place some of my photos in a competition…I don’t know if I will but I thought about it and I think I might but I’m not sure yet…first I have to find one…I don’t want to enter it into our journalism competition because I don’t want to take away from the actual photographers on our staff so maybe I can find one on the internet that I can email it to…that would be nice if I could find one I might like doing it…but I still don’t know…
So Mid-Terms were last week and I didn’t have any so that is good…but I set up to take my online Mid-Term tomorrow after I’m out of class tomorrow…Since I only have one I can take however much time I need on it so this will be good although I don’t think I will need that much time on it…I should probably be studying right now but I am watching American Idol…just turned it on so I don’t really know how everyone is doing, but it is Grand Ole Opry week so I’m happy for that and all the songs that I like…
I can’t wait for this weekend!!! I keep thinking about it and I can’t wait! I can’t wait to get back home and just chill out for a while…maybe go up to school with my mom one day…Who knows? But I am going to take my Wii so I can get my workouts in for health class…but yeah I get to take my puppy with me!!! Toby is getting so big already…he has gotten a lot bigger since we got him…so I can’t wait to see how big he is going to be…the Vet said that he is probably going to be a medium sized dog about 50 lbs. and that he looks like a beagle and cocker spaniel mix…but I think he looks like a St. Bernard…but I can’t wait he is going to be so much fun to play with when he gets bigger!!! My heart is going to break though when he has to start staying outside...not that he sleeps with me...he actually has stopped whining about being in the kennel at night time!!! I am so excited about that...means more sleeping...lol...

"...Saturday in the park I think it was the fourth of July..."....oh Saturday's! I LOVE it...it is a day to be lazy and not feel guilty about not doing one thing...when there is so much to be done but you just push it off and procrastinate...I think that if the procrastinators actually ever met they would meet on national procrastinating day...Saturday...So I got a puppy!!! His name is Toby Paul...someone dropped him off at miss G's so we took him in and now he is mine!!! I can't wait for next weekend!!! First off my niece is having her birthday party, she is turning 3...I get to go home for spring break!!! and my mom said that Toby could stay in the house when I come so I won't have to leave him for a week!!!...The bad news about that is that I have a doctor's apointment to make sure that I don't have PCOS so I am kinda scared about going to the doctor's...it will be my first gyno visit so kinda scarry...I can't wait for this summer either...I might get to see some friends I haven't seen in about six years...not sure yet if that is going down or not...hope it is...would be awesome to see them again...then my sister is going to have my first nephew!!! so I can't wait for that...plus summer is time off of school...and it also means that it is free time before I delve into my journalism world...

Looking back...

My school got a Journalism minor so I won't have to transfer...YAY...I am excited about it...I can't wait to start on it the only thing is that now I have to pick a major...yuck...but I guess it is better than never...Anyway lately I have been in a reflective mood on my life...Just going over events that have made me who I am and times that I wish I could have back to relive again...To feel young again and just have a childlike abandonment...I mean I like my life right now...It is really good...I have a family who supports me and encourages me to do what I want to do...I have alot of friends that I don't know what I would do without alot of them...I am about to be an aunt for the second time...I mean life right now is just wonderful...I have everything I could want right now...well for this part of my life...but I just want to feel like a little kid again...Most people experience this feeling upon turning 20 so I guess I am good...I may be a little behind considering I have been 20 for 2 months now but I guess late is better than never...but I just want to go back to being young and innocent not knowing everything that I know now...I want to go back to those Saturday mornings and rushing into the living room to watch cartoons before anyone else was awake but my brother and myself...I want to have the assurance back that I was alright that no matter what I did I would still be "Babygirl"...The assurance that I couldn't fail at life...When did life become so complicated? When did all of the self-consciousness kick in? I mean it is like one day I went from being this young carefree girl to trying to find the largest sweater I could to sink into...Yes I have grown out of that...sorta...I still have those days where I put on a big sweater or hoodie and hide away from everyone...but it is not because I am afraid of people noticing the changes in me...it is because I don't feel like being social with everyone...or because I am cold...but I don't really hide in them that much anymore...I have to thank God all the time for sending me Laura...She drew me out of my shell...Yes Savannah and MacKenzie were always loving to me and trying to get me out of my shell...but somehow having someone my age do it made it better...At a time in my life when I was not sure just how to be open to others Laura was right there helping...alot of people don't believe that I could have been less outgoing than I am right now...but it is true...I guess I used to be a hermit...but I guess I can blame it on being homeschooled through a time in my life when I needed to be around people my age...although I wouldn't trade being homeschooled for regular school ever...I loved being homeschooled...but I do think that I would have turned out way different if I had not been homeschooled for the majority of my school years...I remember being outgoing as a young young child...like when I was six or seven all the way to being ten....but then something changed and I went inside of myself...I want to go back to a time when my daddy wasn't so sick...back to a time when he could do anything...I don't want to face the reality that he may not live past this year...I don't want to think that he may not be able to walk me down the aisle or that he may never get to read one of my books or that my children(adopted or biological) won't know their poppy just like I never knew my poppy...I don't want to think about losing my daddy...I have been and always will be a daddy's girl...When I was born daddy named me...I was supposed to be Rachel Emily but ended up being Amber Rachael(he spelled Rachel wrong as my mom likes to say)...When I was born he was disabled(still is) so he stayed at home with me while my mom went to work(before my dad recieved his full disability) and I guess one of the main reasons that I am so spoiled(and softspoken) is because he couldn't stand to hear me cry so he would give me whatever I wanted...I remember going to college with him...sitting in the classes with him...I remember singing "I want to marry daddy" at my kindergarten graduation...I have so many memories that revolve around daddy and I don't want to loose that...but I have to know that it is God's will and that all of his pain will be at an end when he reaches heaven...but it is just sad to think about it...I guess I was in a state of denial but when he came up here to help us move he couldn't do anything...and that when it hit me that I may not have my daddy much longer...It is really hard to think about and I have no idea what life will be like when he is gone...I'm not ready for that yet...

"Introvert..."

So I am sitting here in my room when my brother comes in(today is his birthday) and he tells me thanks for going bowling with him and Kassie(his girl friend) and other people. He then proceeds to tell me that it was good to see me out of the house...and did I have fun with real people...Now I am not a person who is outgoing or a person who constantly has to be around people...Yes, I would consider myself a half introvert...I'm not a hermit or anything like that I just like being at home...What good is a home if you are constantly gone and never there...then it is not a home, but a house....I like being with other people but I don't really think about it that much and I don't have to be with people 24/7....
Anyway I just thought that I wanted to vent a little about it so I created this blog for that purpose...although I do plan on using it for other times also...