Today I learned about compassion. I have little. I need more. That's what I learned.
I opened my computer to write in my book more, but somehow I ended up here. My heart must want to talk, about what...I'm not sure...I'll let my fingers lead me. I'm a little sad that I didn't sign up to go to Nicaragua with my college group. I wanted to go, but I know it's not what God wants for me, but my flesh is finding it hard to give it up. I mean I'm thinking...it's a mission trip, how can God not want me to go?...I know, I know...St.Louis. It's where I'm meant to go. Honestly, I can't wait to go...I feel like something different is really going to happen...something good. I am looking forward to going and I can hardly wait to begin doing fundraisers...I just am having a hard time with...I don't want to say settling...but I mean i feel like I am settling for St.Louis when I could go to Nicaragua...and I could...signing up is over, but today they announced that two places had opened up and I wanted to jump up and shout "ME! ME! I WANT TO GO!" but that's just it...I want to go...God doesn't want me to...it's me...I know that St.Louis is in no way less of a mission than Nicaragua...sigh...I guess if I'm going to be honest with myself...I wanted to go because it's a foreign mission and it just seems like I'm less of a Christian if I forgo foreign and stay home...maybe another year it will be what God wants...maybe I'm not meant to go on a foreign field...I'd be scared...I know that much...but fear makes me rely on God more...sigh...stop making excuses Amber...get over it and accept what He wants...
Amber, I totally understand the desire to go to the new and unknown, its exciting. But I don't think you should feel less of a Christian for doing domestic missions. Truth is, I think it is a shame and a disgrace the way Christians are more excited to go help the heathen across the world, but don't want to help the broken neighbor across the street. I'm not saying it will be easy, witnessing is so hard for me to do, if I'm honest with myself, sometimes I duck away from my responsibility, or my blessing. Being allowed to tell someone about Christ, and what He has done for me, that is a blessing isn't it? But that is my problem, I treat it like a chore, and am scared to do it.
ReplyDeleteSomething else to remember, the US is now the third largest unchurched nation, if I remember right. This is a HUGE mission field. Its very brave of you to accept God's call to St. Louis.
I love you